Hello, My Name is Mary Gyers: Nicknames and Name-calling 1980s Style

The 80s Rewind

I can almost hear the names ringing in the recesses of my mind all these decades later. Mary Gyers. Oscar Meyer. Oscar Myers. Gary Pliers. Michael Myers. Scary Myers. GareBear. But it was another nickname, “Moe,” that finally stuck and stayed with me until I went to college.

Kids in the 1980s loved nicknames and name-calling, especially names derived from your actual name. The names listed above are just a few of the things I was called in grade school and middle school. Some were meant in fun. Others were not. You know how some kids think. By diminishing someone else, they are able to make themselves feel superior. I cannot claim to be guilt-free in the name-calling enterprise.

In addition to these names, I acquired “Four-eyes,” “Nerd,” “Smarty Pants,” and “Teacher’s Pet” (even though I always got in trouble for talking in class). Other names were usedto pick on and exaggerate some physical feature or personality trait that I was already self-conscious about. I halfway dreaded a growth spurt because I knew we couldn’t afford to run out and buy longer pants, and I knew I would be called “High Waters” until I could get new pants. There were a whole host of names thrown around like “Spazz,” “Dude,” “Dudette,” “Loser,” and “Stoner.” I think … and hope, “Stoner” did not come around until late high school. Unfortunately it fit some at school. The names got worse as we reached late middle school, and the motives grew more toxic. I will not mention any of those names. They were and are inappropriate to call anyone.

The Fuzzy Line between Nicknames & Name-calling

The line between name-calling and nicknames can be fuzzy and difficult to determine. Name-calling tends to be meaner, but nicknames can begin as mean-spirited name-calling that sticks. Sawyer, a shady character on the television show “Lost” was a master of 1980s-style, mid-school/junior high name-calling and nicknaming. It was so juvenile, and it gave me flashbacks to the mean-spirited names I didn’t want to be called. Some of Sawyer’s names for other people were harmless; other names were downright mean. By far, Hurley received the most and the meanest names. Many of them targeted Hurley’s weight or his bushy hair. Sawyer also gave Kate many nicknames, but hers were more endearing due to his romantic interest in her. “Freckles” was the name that stuck with Kate. Sawyer loved it and meant for it to be endearing, but Kate did not enjoy it. Many she didn’t like her freckles.

Several people had nicknames at my school, including me. Some were coined at home, like a friend I met on my first school day. His family called him “Bo,” and we did too. For a few years I didn’t know his name is actually James. We still call him Bo. Others developed out of necessity. In kindergarten, we had two Davids in our class. We called one “David” and the other “Little David.” Probably not the best thing to call the smaller of the two Davids. Later, when “David” moved, we dropped “Little” from the other David. By middle school, there were two Davids in our class again. Thankfully, we just called them both “David.”

I made it to fourth or fifth grade without an official nickname. But I was often called “Mary Gyers” or “Oscar Myers” when we were playing kickball or four-square and the opponents wanted to get into my head. I did not like it, but I tried not to let it deter me from the task at hand—kicking or hitting the ball.

As we moved toward middle school, the guys all started calling each other by their last names, and that’s how I received my nickname. One of my friends (Todd) had a 3-year-old little brother. Surprisingly, the little brother (David as well) thought I was cool, even though no one else did. He always tried to shout out my last name when he saw me. Early on, he struggled to say “Myers” on his first try. It sounded something like “M … Mo … Mize.” It was choppy at first and then morphed into “Moe Myers.” His brother and my other friends thought it was funny and started calling me “Moe”—just like the character in “The Three Stooges.” We often watched a black and white rerun of “The Three Stooges” after school when we were hanging out. Then we would play Atari. I was slow to embrace the nickname. But I really like David, and at least it wasn’t Larry or Curly—Moe was the “smart” (?) stooges. So I gave in.

Gradually, I embraced the nickname and used it through high school, but my family never adopted it. Everyone who left a note in my senior memory book addressed me as “Gary.” I had the idea for this post when I was Photoshopping the old photo of my Z28 for the last 80s rewind post. I carefully covered up the “Moe” on the front of that car. I dropped the nickname shortly after graduation and removed the tag from my car. My given name has always felt odd or old-fashioned to me, but I didn’t want to be known as “Moe” in college. I didn’t tell anyone about the nickname, and the other kids from Calvin at my college (even Todd) didn’t rat me out … they just called me Myers or Gary.

"Moe" on my Senior Key and my car.

Sometimes when I am back in Calvin to visit First Baptist or to participate in the 4th of July celebration, I’ll hear a “Moe” or “Moe Myers.” Thankfully, I haven’t heard “Mary Gyers” since middle school.

Be Kind and Rewind!

In the Tape Deck

Surprisingly, I cannot think of any 1980s song about nicknames, so I’m just trying to set the vibe with the following selections

• “Our Lips Are Sealed,” The Go-Go’s

• “Forever Young,” Alphaville

• “Me, Myself & I,” De La Soul

• “Rush,” Big Audio Dynamite

• “Cruel Summer,” Bananarama

I Want to Hear from You

Please comment with your name-calling and nickname stories.