The Rise & Fall of the Greatest Band that Never Was (May 1988)
The 80s Rewind
I have always loved music. I can remember every note and every lyric to a whole catalog of songs. With my great love for music, I truly believe I should be able to play at least one instrument. That’s still a work in progress. I am currently on my fourth attempt at learning the guitar. Not being able to play an instrument didn’t stop me and two other friends from forming a band during my 1988 senior beach trip.
I'll never know why our school thought it was a good idea to take 25+ newly graduated seniors on a week-long trip. It makes no sense to me today. Way too risky! Back in 1988, senior trips were the norm, and I joined my class on a trip to Corpus Christi, Texas, with stops at the Alamo and Six Flags on the way home. What could go wrong? What rash and impulsive decisions could we expect?
Indeed, things happened. I heard stories about the rowdy behavior by some of my classmates, but I didn’t participate. I didn’t know about any of that until well after the fact. The only rash decision I made involved my musical future. I started a band with my friends Brian and William.
Somewhere between San Antonio and Six Flags (DFW) on the bus ride, we simply decided to start a band. I want to think it was around Austin when the inspiration hit us … Austin was becoming a hotbed for musicians at the time. I'm not entirely sure we were serious at first, but by the time we got to Six Flags, we were a band, and we had a truly ridiculous name.
We were doomed from the start, since none of us could sing, and only Brian had access to an instrument—his dad’s Kustom Brand electric guitar from the late 1960s. William and I hadn’t even seen or heard the guitar when we cooked up this plan to start a band. He had a powerful amp and a large phaser effects device (it wasn’t a pedal). Apparently, Brian’s dad used to play country music in clubs. His dad was Mr. Morton, my baseball and basketball coach. When Brian told me about Mr. Morton’s musical past, I imagined him on stage in coaching shorts and tube socks. I finally saw and heard the guitar the week after our senior trip. What a sight to behold. The photograph below is how I remember the guitar.
We never really talked much about our music style—how can you have a style when no one even plays an instrument? I remember liking The Cars (and other new wave groups), Stryper, and Van Halen. According to my senior scrapbook, I also liked George Harrison, R.E.M., White Lion, and “Sweet Child ‘O Mine.” I can’t remember Brian’s favorites, but he and I bonded over two cassettes: “Smash Hits” by Jimi Hendrix and Aerosmith’s “Greatest Hits” album. William was a superfan of the glam metal band Poison. Our style would have been eclectic, but style wasn’t our concern at the moment … we had to go enjoy Six Flags before we could explore our art.
My Musical Journey
Up to that point, my musical journey included a brief stint as a piano student and a brief foray into learning the acoustic guitar. Neither of these musical ventures went very well for me. First, I have the unique distinction of “getting fired” by my piano teacher. My piano teacher’s job was changing, and she decided to focus on her best and brightest piano students (including my sister). I was cut, but my sister kept taking piano lessons. I am still working through the disappointment. I decided to learn to play the guitar. My parents bought me an inexpensive acoustic guitar for Christmas. It wasn’t great. Since I already had a bad track record with music, it made no sense to pay a lot for a guitar that might not get played. Alas, the cheap guitar was very difficult to play and even harder to keep in tune. I quickly lost interest. By the time I reached high school, I wanted to play, but I wanted it to be easy. And the journey continues … I am still trying to learn guitar.
Throughout the day at Six Flags, we talked about being a band, especially when we met a group of girls from Victoria, Texas. They were amused, but I can’t imagine that they took us seriously, especially if we mentioned our working band name. And we probably mentioned the name.
At the airbrush shop, we each bought a custom airbrushed item. We discussed creating something with our band name. In the end, none of us had the guts to wear something emblazoned with our band name. My hat had my nickname, and of course, William’s had “Poison” scrawled across the front. I believe Brian got a sleeveless shirt with an airbrushed beach scene with palm trees.
Before we left Six Flags that evening, our band reached its peak when we recorded a song. Back then, Six Flags had small recording booths that allowed you to record yourself singing to a popular song for a small fee. Similar to the old photo booths at the mall. I believe the recording resulted in a low-quality, thin vinyl record. So, we crammed into the tiny studio/booth and cut a track. We were able to hold in our hands the fruits of our long struggle for our art. What was our struggle? A five-hour bus ride from San Antonio to Arlington. I regret that I can’t remember the song we sang or who ended up with the flimsy record. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t Benson Boone either (Benson Boone equals not good in this equation).
About a week after the trip, we (the band) met at Brian’s to see and hear the guitar. He could play a few licks. We had fun making noise with the phaser. I bought a used, pink Arbor Strat copy and a Peavey amp that summer and began trying to play. We didn’t break up over creative differences, and we remained friends, but I don’t think we ever met again as a band.
Iron Lace (wow, that’s a bad band name) started on a bus ride through Texas and reached its high point that same day when we recorded our first and only song. By the end of May, our attention had turned to other things. I had a summer job at Falls Creek Baptist Assembly, and college awaited us. Iron Lace ceased to begin. Maybe the world wasn’t ready for a band inspired by Jimi Hendrix, The Cars, Poison, Van Halen, and Stryper. Maybe the world still isn’t ready for Iron Lace.
In the words of Pink Floyd:
“When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse | Out of the corner of my eye | I turned to look, but it was gone, I cannot put my finger on it now | The child is grown, the dream is gone”
That’s all for now. Remember, be kind and rewind!
In the tape deck:
While My Guitar Gently Weeps, Beatles
Juke Box Hero, Foreigner
Rock and Roll Fantasy, Bad Company
Band on the Run, Wings
It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll), AC/DC
Sultans of Swing, Dire Straits
With a Little Help from My Friends, Beatles